Clue

You tell me not to give up on this the fight
and that sometimes life just isn't right
Then you tell me to try with all my might
That i should just accept life with all it's blight

Yet the cold heart inside my chest still bleeds red.
And I lay here night after night crying on my bed.
As reminders of all the words you've said
Just run rampantly throughout my weary head

I tell you this life isn't the life i wish to live.
that there is more to this life than i wish to give
Somehow i can't seem to let go or to forgive
And all the memories i just manage to relive

So I lay here tonight as thoughts run around my mind
My thoughts haunt me over and over, all of the time
And nothing more do I hope for than for you to be mine
But no longer do you wish for our bodies to entwine.

So in silence i sit and contemplate my own fate.
And wonder if it's truly my life in which i wish to take
And if it is possible to give up and completely forsake
As I lay here on my bed wishing to never again awake.

While i lay here weeping silently on this bed we once shared.
I contemplate all that has gone on and if you really cared.
And i wonder if it mattered at all that my heart was bared.
And your leaving was the only thing in life i really feared.

But when I sit and think about all that has come about.
And that I hoped you'd believe in me without a doubt.
I thought that I made you see that it's you i can't live without.
I've come to realize that we were never on the same route.

And as my heart lies here bleeding tears for you.
I know now that there was never anything i could truly do.
To make you search your heart and make you be true.
It's now that i understand that i never even had a clue

Soul Mates

I search for the words to express how i feel for you.
I don't feel there are enough words that will ever do
I am merely a human, with human words to speak.
Expressing these feelings i feel are what i truly I seek.

As i sit here trying to write this poem for you
I realize nothing even compares to how much i adore
I start a sentence and then have to erase once again
So now here i sit quietly and wonder how i begin

Do i speak of how beautiful your eyes shine?
Or how happy i am to know that you are mine.
Or do i try to explain how it feels to be in your arms
And how much i am lost in your wonderful charms.

Do i tell you how every time we touch I come alive.
It's your understanding of all these things that i strive.
Of how the passion explodes inside like a bomb
How being with you makes me feel tranquil and calm

I get lost every time i look into your eyes
And how from your love i would never hide
But how do i express these in the way i should
Oh my love how i truly wish that i could

How do i explain to you how i feel about it all
Of how into your arms i always wish to always fall
Or how i feel our souls are entwined as one
And how i believe that you truly are the one

There is only one word in which comes close
To explaining to you what i feel the most
And that is that i feel that we are soul mates
Forever and ever as one, this i feel is our fate

But alas it is merely a word that doesn't compare
To how much i love to run my fingers through your hair
Or how much i love to kiss your soft, tender lips
Or how much passion fills me when you touch my hips

All i can seem to muster are the words 'i love you'
And if you ever left me i would forever be blue
These words could never compare to what i feel
But I love you forever and i always will.

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.

Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father , "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."


The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

Shades of Gray

Do you ever wonder what it would be like
If life were completely black and white?
Where there are no colors to differentiate
Or those gray areas which i truly hate.

No beautiful rainbows up in the sky
No worry or wonder or questions of why.
When there's no need for the red white and blue
Or having to contemplate what you need to do

And if there were no beautiful array of colors
Or no need to decide how to spend your dollars
What would we do without the different hues.
And wondering what exactly what we should do

What would it be like without shades of gray
Does anyone ever really long for that day?
And how sad would this life be without all of this
Ever wonder the magnitude of all there really is

In this world in which we seem to merely exist
Tis something to think about, i truly do insist.
This world, in all its beauty, is an immeasurable pleasure
For without it all, there would be nothing to treasure

My Birth Chart

Name: Candy
March 3 1970
2:45 PM Time Zone is CST
Springfield, MO

Rising Sign is in 02 Degrees Leo
You love to be the center of attention and you want to appear strong, confident and

dominant. You are very proud of yourself, sometimes quite vain even. When all

around you are bedraggled and falling apart, you look like a million bucks! Very

dignified and honorable, you enjoy the power and privilege, but not the

responsibilities, that come with leadership. You are very idealistic but can also

be quite stubborn. Others impress you only if they have integrity (but wealth,

power and influence can also turn your head). You prefer rich, elegant surroundings

and possessions, and will try to acquire them as your budget allows. Physically,

you are very impressive - - at your best you have a regal, charismatic demeanor and

bearing. Try not to be such a showoff!

Sun is in 12 Degrees Pisces.
Extremely sensitive and emotional, you absorb the emotions of others (whether

positive or negative) like a sponge. Emotionally vulnerable, you are easily upset

and tend to cry readily. You are at your best when you can structure your

environment in such a way that you are surrounded by positive, upbeat people. You

are very helpful and understanding of the needs of others. Indeed, at times this

can be a disadvantage, because you can be a sucker for anyone who needs help. Shy,

dreamy, romantic in nature, you delight in retreating into your private fantasy

world. Just be careful that you do not get lost in it! Trust your intuitions -- you

may be quite psychic.

Moon is in 19 Degrees Capricorn.
You are serious and shy and very uncomfortable in those situations where

spontaneous and exuberant emotional reactions seem called for. An achiever, you

prefer doing practical, worthwhile things that produce tangible results. You need

role models to respect, love and emulate. You tend to feel that you're a failure

unless you get an important and highly respected position in life. Don't be so hard

on yourself! For you, practical needs always win out over emotional considerations.

Remember that you too have the right to comfort, security and love. Dutiful and

patient, when you make an emotional commitment, you sign on for the long haul --

your love is long- enduring.

Mercury is in 26 Degrees Aquarius.
You tend to be very opinionated -- you have strongly felt notions about things and

are quite vocal about expressing and defending them. Yet you are also an original

thinker -- you enjoy shocking others with your offbeat, original thoughts. You

appreciate and need mental and intellectual stimulation. Your judgment is usually

fair and impartial -- you can be a good critic because you can remain objective and

unemotional about most things.

Venus is in 22 Degrees Pisces.
You have a dreamy, fanciful, romantic nature and a very creative imagination.

Indeed, at times, your private fantasies are more appealing than the reality around

you and it is difficult for you to leave them. You tend to be unselfish and giving

in relationships and are extremely sensitive of the needs of others. Be very sure

that those you help are worthy of your devotion and are not merely taking advantage

of your innocence and naivete.

Mars is in 27 Degrees Aries.
You are very independent and self-assertive, and you have lots of physical energy.

You are not satisfied unless you can be the first to do something. As such, you are

more comfortable in leadership positions than you are as an underling. When you are

challenged by anyone for anything, you delight in the competitive process and will

fight long and hard for your beliefs. You are bold and courageous and often act

without thinking. At times, in your zeal to get ahead, you are tactless and

offensive -- learn that cooperation with others can often bring you nearer to your

goals quicker because of the support you will get.

Jupiter is in 05 Degrees Scorpio.
You love to dig deep beneath surface appearances in order to find out what is

really happening. A persistent researcher, you are very interested in the

psychology of any situation. You tend to become overwhelmed by the complexity of

what you uncover, however, and that makes you a bit gun-shy about explaining things

to others. But you must learn to try to communicate as best you can because what

you know is really very valuable to others.

Saturn is in 05 Degrees Taurus.
Complete freedom of choice makes you ill at ease. You must have a firm, ordered,

secure foundation in your life in order to feel comfortable. You do not adapt

easily and tend to fear the new and untried. You constantly fear that you do not

have enough (love, property, material things, etc.) and this makes you tend toward

being selfish, withdrawn and stingy. If you try to surround yourself with

supportive people in your environment, you will become more emotionally self-

supporting.

Uranus is in 07 Degrees Libra.
You, as well as your entire peer group, have a very free, unstable and

unconventional approach to relationships and emotional commitments. You will be

attracted to experiments in marriage and shared lifestyles. Personal freedom is

more important to you than entangling emotional bonds. In the realm of art and

aesthetics, you are attracted to the bizarre, shocking and unusual.

Neptune is in 00 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and your entire generation, are heavily involved in investigating and

idealizing foreign and exotic intellectual systems and religious philosophies. The

most extreme ideals will be pursued with gusto. You will be at the forefront of

humanitarian attempts to improve the lot of those who are in need of assistance.

You will be comfortable with the concept of the "global village."

Pluto is in 26 Degrees Virgo.
For your entire generation, this will be a time when profound changes in society's

attitude toward work, duty and responsibility will be initiated. Radical changes in

attitudes toward personal health and general nutrition will be promulgated and gain

wide acceptance and practice.

N. Node is in 11 Degrees Pisces.
You're attracted to others who need your assistance. You seem to go out of your way

to form relationships with those who are weak, sick, injured, addicted or troubled

in some way or other. At your best you can indeed provide the relief that others

need. But at times you can be victimized by those who would prey on your good

nature and take advantage of you. This can lead to all sorts of negative situations

-- make sure that those you assist are truly worthy of your time, energy and

commitment. A little enlightened self-protectiveness on your part can make your

life work much, much smoother!

Random Useless Facts About me.

I have a brackish fish tank, which if you don't know what this means..it means it's half saltwater, half fresh..i had 2 fish..but my spotted puffer fish died. Now i just have a black fined shark.

I love to play cards of any sort but don't play a lot in person, mainly online..especially on full tilt poker. I love hold'em but my passion is hi/lo Omaha.

I also love to play pool and will play every chance i get, i even have my own pool cue, chalk and chalk bag.

I am allergic to grass, pollen, pet dander, ragweed, and many other substances..I am also deathly allergic to bees and wasps of any sort.

I have 2 children,a 10 year old boy and 8 year old girl. They are my heart and soul. I had had another child, but he died before he was born..he was to be named Tristan Zacharia Fulks.

I suffer from Post traumatic stress disorder, and have been a hermit in the past, in fact for 3 years i was.

I work at waffle house as a cook, cooking is my passion, i love it greatly and am very good at what i do.

I am a pessimist at heart, but i do still believe that true love and soul mates exist.

I am a very smart woman, but when it comes to men, i am as stupid as they come.

I was married for 7 years, have been divorced for 8. Still hope that someday my ex husband will somehow turn back into the man he was before he started drinking. Oddly sometimes i wish that we could have that fairy tale marriage that everyone dreams of...but i know it will never happen.

I almost always wear black, i was goth long before goth was cool..but i don't really see myself as goth anymore. I am just who i am, and you'll have to deal with me without the label attached.

I am stronger than i sometimes seem, yet more fragile than i let most people see.

My favorite month is October, my favorite season is fall and my favorite time of night is dusk.

My favorite color is deep purple, but i tell everyone my favorite colors are blue and purple always.

I have a degree in law, mostly paralegal degree, i have started working on a culinary arts degree but currently not attending school for many reasons.

I hate to go shopping, i never carried a purse til i found out i was diabetic 3 years ago, now i carry one on occasion but it's very rare.

I am esselen indian, cherokee indian, mexican and scotch irish mix. I tell everyone i am native american and refused to be called a white girl, cus i'm not.

My first and currently only tat is a heart with the chinese symbol of love inside it, i got it because the love of my life has the chinese symbol of love on his shoulder and it is there to remind me of the greatest love of my life.

I do not and have not watched tv in about 3 years, however i do download or stream certain shows like CSI and NCIS but i haven't even been doing that lately.

I read my horoscope every day, i don't really believe in them but i do believe in astrology.

I do not believe in God, but i do believe in most native american spiritualities and i will not go into detail about that..it's just easier to tell people i'm not religious and let them deal with that fact.

I am very opinionated, just ask me!

I am also a fairly honest person, i do sometimes tell lil white lies to keep from hurting people but it's rare..i'd rather be straight up with people..some don't deal w/ that well so i tell them what i think they wanna hear. I prefer brutal honesty.

I sleep with a fan on always, even if it's winter, and most of the time sleep w/o a cover or a blanket of any sort.

I am currently writing a novel and also working on an autobiography that i will probably never finish.

I love to write poetry, but i think i suck at it, still doesn't stop me from writing tho

I am a hopeless romantic but i refuse to let most people see that side of me.

I am very sarcastic and seem very outgoing to most people who meet me, but when you get me home or alone, you learn that i'm actually a very quiet and laid back person.

I hate drama, i despise anything involving drama, yet somehow or another drama finds me at every turn of my life.

I recently stepped down as a manager at waffle house to get away from drama and am quite happy being where i am now.


I used to, and still do on occasion, sleep with a teddy bear, i still haven't gotten used to sleeping alone.

I sleep with my laptop next to me in my bed, and still sleep on the edge of my king sized bed.

I am a bit of a pack rat and a neat freak all in one, but my time at home is short and so my room looks like a tornado hit it most of the time, but it drives me crazy.

I am obsessed with washing my hands, but not OCD kind of obsessed...yet...

I secretly believe that fairy tales like Cinderella come true, just the modern day version of them.

I have an extreme loathing for people who are stupid.

I do not deal well with the fact that most people do not know the difference between 'too' and 'to' and 'your' and 'you're' It drives me insane!!!

I am addicted to text messaging!

I am allergic to coconut.

I don't care for squash and i will not eat okra or asparagus.

I believe in and feel ghosts around me all the time.

I do believe my grandma is my guardian angel.

I can break 2 eggs at the same time w/o breaking the yokes. I can also break them on the ceiling and put them in a bowl w/o breaking them.

I am severely scared of tornadoes and was picked up by one when i was a small child.

Even though i'm very scared of tornadoes, i am very facinated by them and would love to be a storm chaser, but my fear stands in the way of that.

I have an almost, if not, unhealthy obsession with serial killers and death.

I am not a violent person, but when push comes to shove i can kick some ass!

I am very good natured, always there to help a friend, and it tends to get me hurt a lot!

I love oatmeal raisin cookies, they are my favorite.

I also love strawberry swirled ice cream, especially if it has real strawberries in it.

I love diet mountain dew, before i was a diabetic i drank either it or Dr. Pepper.

When it comes to cooking, i'm a bit of a show-off, i love to do different tricks with eggs and the pans etc as i'm cooking.

I am a people watcher, it entertains me to see what people are doing, i am not sure why but it is hours of fun for me. lol

I am 5'5" tall.

I have brown eyes, but most will say they look either yellow or green. I tell everyone they are amber...just seems easier

A few months ago i cut 2 feet off of my hair, it went down passed my ass.

I am a sucker for guys with blue or green eyes, i just can't seem to stop staring into them.

I hate being tickled.

I have 3 brothers and a sister, but i also have an adopted brother and sister (they were my step-mother's children) I didn't know they were even adopted by my father until after he died a few years ago.

I have 2 guinea pigs, we used to have 3..but one died. They are named Winny the Pig and Arnold Schwarzenegger...we call him arnie for short.

My favorite movie is Legends of the Fall.

My dream is to one day own and operate my own restaurant.

My favorite flower is the daffodil.

I am mostly a pacifist.

I am a tree hugger...don't hate...

That's enough for now... perhaps i'll write more later..

Love and Friends...

Wow, i haven't written in here in a long time..Where to begin is the issue...Well the guy i used to talk about and i broke things off...in some ways, i guess it was for the best, but i miss him very much.

I have been dating someone new..he's 43, 10 years older than the last guy i was dating. He has 2 children, both boys; they are 18 and 21. He is recently separated from his wife of 22 years. We are taking things slowly and things seem to be going fairly well. He is really a great guy, he has time to spend with me and does spend as much time as possible with me. I just fear that i'm headed for another heartache here...he's not ready to settle down..i fear that i am his rebound girl...we've had many discussions about it and both have agreed we'd take things one day at a time. We are both supposed to be dating other people...but me dating more than one person is not that easy for me to do.

The guy i used to date, the one i mentioned above, stopped by to see me the other day...all those old feelings came right back up. It was a good night though...i suppose it gave me some closure, but at the same time made me want...again...what i can't have. I know that more now than before, and i know i gotta just let it go...so that's what i plan to do.

John, my ex husband, has decided to not allow me to see my son, so tomorrow morning i'm going to the courthouse to file a paper which will bring this to the judges attention...160 bux it's going to cost me..more money than what i can afford to part with right now. Ahh...but that is my life, isn't it?

I have started working at a new store, things are going okay over there i guess...i don't really have any friends anymore, i've found. Brian, one of our regulars, has turned out to be more of a friend than the people i've known for years and years...Isn't that sad?

I haven't talked to April in ages. I go up to visit her at work, but she rarely even talks to me. It bothers me a great deal. But, i guess..again..that's my life.

As i said before, my guy and i have an open relationship, several guys have shown lots of interest in me...but no one worthwhile...i guess i want too much, i am not looking for a sex fling, i want something with some stability and i get that with dale, the guy i've been seeing. What i want, is the relationship i had with Charlie, but with time together...god i miss him and i hate that i miss him!

James and i have become pretty close, he has started calling me his best friend..and he should cus i've bent over backward for him...he owes me a bunch of money, which i know i'll never see..but it's okay. His roommate is after me, he's 51 and way not my type, but i like him otherwise, he is really nice, if only he'd get off the kick of dating me, that'd be great. I really liked james a lot..but i am glad things didn't work out between us, i need friends more than anything..now if i could just get him to stop relying on me every time he needs something and focus more time on spending time w/ me as a friend, i'd be happier about it.

My ex, Zack, showed back up in town..he's been demanding my attention, but it seems he's turned out to be more like James than i can stand. I don't like it when people try to use me...i have next to nothing, what's the point? It's weird seeing him again, we've had an on again, off again, thing for years and years. He still sees us as two people that belong together...ugh! no, i really don't think so...i just can't go back, i can't get past all the lies...i dunno...

Alex and i have been talking a bit lately..it's still really hard...time doesn't seem to close that wound no matter how hard i try.

Well i guess i should wrap this up. I'm not really sure what else to talk about right now...hopefully i will start writing in this again..but who knows...