Hello

I haven't posted here in a long time. I have a lot of things going on right now, I'm working on getting my own place..and I'm scared but i don't like to admit that to anyone. It's been a long time since i was on my own. I hope i can do it, i think i can do it, but part of me still fears...i guess fear exists in everyone for a lot of reasons..i hope i can overcome that fear and be the parent i so need and want to be.

As for my love life..well there is a man who is special to my heart..I'm not sure if i am special to him..but in some ways i believe i am..I am kinda waiting around for him..and kinda just worrying about dealing with myself..Just as he is dealing with his own self atm...I am glad that he is..but i wish he'd tell me how he feels..but then that would be wrong of him on every level of being a gentleman i suppose...i dunno..perhaps I'm wrong...perhaps he really is trying to get rid of me without hurting my feelings..i wish i had a clue..it would be a lot less difficult on my end if i knew.

Not sure if that link will work but that's how I'm pretty much feeling atm.

I dunno I'm probably living in some pipe dream that at some point he will actually love me..but who really knows for sure..i guess it's best things stay as they are and we just be close friends..i just love talking to him tho..and being with him...makes me feel so very safe..

I've been spending a lot of time writing Dale while he's in prison..that still breaks my heart..knowing now that we can never be together..our whole future,..ruined on one slight mistake. Sad how the love of your life ends in the two of you still wanting to be together but not being able to...I guess life goes on tho, Right?

Jas has recently re-entered my life...and found out he has two children that i never knew about..that makes me happy that he has that..he needs that in his life..i hate that he hid it from me..but i could never be angry enough to let it bother me...i am just happy that his life is turning around..

The kids are doing well..they are struggling still, but every day they are growing stronger and smarter, and that's what matters most..I love them with all my heart and i will happily raise them all alone if that's what needs to happen. I hope that i'm not alone forever, but this is sometimes what is necessary...not everyone is meant to have someone i suppose...perhaps i'm one of those people..

Anyway, time for me to go...I know no one is reading this so kinda pointless to say post something or whatever..but in case someone is...i hope you are well and feel free to comment.