Okay...

As i was growing up, my brother, Warren, had 3 best friends in this wide world: Sammy, Donnie and Brian. In the past few months, both Bri and Donnie died from drug related suicide. Sammy, however, has not been seen by any of us in years. When i was 12-13 years old, Sammy stayed at our house with us as he had no where to go. The boys all called my mother mom and we were a family...They were all like brothers to me. Donnie, above all, was there for me in times where no one else was..was more of a brother to me than the 3 real brothers and adopted brother that i have. I will tell you more about him later, i'm sure, as i miss him dearly and think about him all the time.

Anyway, back to my story...Sammy lived with us for around a year, slept on the couch and was just like one of the family. I spent a lot of time watching tv with him after everyone went to bed. I really enjoyed spending time around him, i thought he was great. Being the child that i was, it never occurred to me that i needed to worry about how i dressed or how i acted around boys much. I knew i always had to wear a shirt and something that covered my butt, my mother was very emphatic about such things. But, around my brothers, i always wore a shirt and panties before i went to bed and when i got up in the morning, so i felt that this practice was a normal. So, i did this around sammy too, cus again, he was like a brother to me..i never realized there should be a distinction..not til after.....

One night i was lying on the couch watching tales from the crypt or something similar, i am very into horror stories/movies so i'm sure that's why i was up so late. Sammy came in, drunker than drunk, staggered to the couch and i hopped up just in time for him to not sit on me. He laughs and then plops down on the couch and looks at me and smiles. I smile back then go lie down on the floor in front of the tv and continue watching my show. Sammy starts hiccuping and i turn and laugh at him then he just stares at me...his expression went to smile to that of something i can't even begin to explain. He stares me up and down and then tells me to come sit with him on the couch, i tell him no..something about him seemed...strange...He just looks at me again and demands this time to come sit with him. I felt that if i didn't, he was going to get angry and i didn't want him waking my mom up...she never liked me staying up so late. So with that said, i went and sat on the couch next to him and we sat and watched the tv for about 10mins or so. Sammy started rubbing his leg up and down his thigh, and i glanced over a few times and he'd just stare at me and lick his lips...

I wonder so much now what was going thru his head besides sex..he shoulda known if warren found out, he'd kill him...my brother was then..and still is...mean as hell! He was a fighter for sure, always in trouble for the law for assault. Anyway, sammy grabs me and kisses me. I kiss him back not even thinking about it then i quickly pull away..he says no, kiss me now. I tell him no and he kisses me anyway, shoving his tongue deeply into my mouth and i let out a small squeal. He then breaks the kiss and grabs me by both arms and tells me if i don't shut up he'd wake my mom..again this was my worst nightmare, my mother would have been so very mad. Sammy then says, "you've been teasing me since i got home, wearing that lil scrub top and panties and sprawling out on the floor in front of me..I'm going to show you what happens to girls who tease!" I just look at him and try to sputter out a reason, but then his mouth was hard upon mine and i had no way to speak. I tried to struggle, shook my head, tried to say no..but nothing worked... He placed his hand between my thighs and i immediately slammed them shut, but he was stronger than me...next he had his fingers inside of me and there was no getting away at that point and i knew it...he tossed me down on the couch and got on top of me before he quickly undid his pants and was pushing himself into me. One of his hands was on my mouth the other was near my neck, in a choke hold but he was not choking me. He just kept repeating to me, "this is what lil teases get, don't make a sound or i will wake your mom and what do you think she's going to say to you fucking me?" I started bawling my eyes out, but as quietly as i could, the pain was unbearable and the fear inside me had grown to the point i wanted to vomit. I knew better tho..knew if i did, i'd get something way worse than the punishment he was already giving me... Finally he finishes what he's doing and let's me go. I run up the stairs as quietly as i can and close the door and lock it behind me w/ a butter knife and then sit against it, still sobbing uncontrollably. I could feel the dampness between my legs from him and i realized then i was bleeding and i started crying even more. I hopped up and opened the window and ended up vomiting til i was dry heaving then went and collapsed on my bed and went to sleep. The next morning when i woke up i realized i had bruises on both arms from where he had grabbed me, and even tho it was warm that whole week i wore long sleeved shirts.

I was visibly shaken the next morning when i went downstairs and he was there. He just looked at me in bewilderment,..i don't think he remembered a thing...He left later that day and never was to come back in my house to sleep, so i never bothered to tell anyone, i knew they wouldn't believe me...when i finally told them later (i just told them about 4 years ago), they still didn't believe me at first.. I ran into sammy years later and when we were alone i asked him why..he claimed he never did such a thing, tried to make me believe it was just some kind of dream..i slapped the shit out of him and walked off, i have yet to see him since...i just hope that karma gives him back what he deserves for the suffering and pain i have went through all my life...Even to this day i have issues with certain things, especially after telling my story to someone because it rehashes all those memories..and as you can probably tell, i remember just like it was yesterday.