I know I've already posted a blog today but i don't really care, and why would you care anyway? If you are so bored that you wanna read my blogs then you shouldn't care whether or not i post two in a day lol

At any rate, just sitting here on my bed typing away on my laptop and wondering why I'm not asleep yet. I'm here alone and my mind tends to wander any time that happens so I'm having a rough time wanting to go to sleep all alone. I wish i could turn my mind off tho, I'm so sick and tired of thinking all the time, i need sleep, not more thoughts to keep my mind going off into 15 million directions.

I told you before about this guy i like. My thoughts mostly revolve around him these days. We haven't met yet but we're hoping to soon. So many obstacles in the way, I hope we won't be disappointed in what we find out when we do. He's very confident about the whole thing, as am I for the most part, but a lil piece of me thinks about all the other guys I've met off here and it keeps telling me i need to just give up.

I don't want to give up tho, i don't want to be my mother. 30+ years of living a life alone..god i don't see how she does it. I miss sex, i miss being held, i miss cuddling and i so miss having someone to spend time with. I so want to fall in love and live a life where we can just hang out, spend time fishing, or just sitting back at home with the kids. I'm so ready to have a family again it's not funny.

Why do i have to hit all these setbacks tho? It seems like i spend most of my time alone these days. I have even stopped going up to work on my days off because i can't stand the thought of being there. All my friends are there tho, and they seem to miss me stopping in all the time. But when you can't stand the 4 walls (or windows, as the case may be) around you, what ever do you do? What ever do you do?? Only thing i know is to stay out of em.

Anyway, i guess mainly i just wanted to vent about being here in my big ol' king size bed by myself once again, when i'm up waiting on my guy instead of sleeping as i should be.

There has to be more to life than this...there truly does.