It's been almost 20 days since the last time i can honestly say i felt happy. 20 days? God...It's been a long week, really has been rough on me. Donnie died a few days ago. I can't believe he's gone. It has been some time since i last saw him but the pain is still there. Brian died, i guess what's been a mth ago. Why do all my old friends have to start dropping like flies?
Drugs..fucking drugs..when will people get a clue that this is not what they need to be doing. Look how many lives have already been taken. I've lost approximate 7 or 8 friends do to some sort of drug involvement. I've honestly lost count of how many it's actually been. *sighs* just not sure how much i can handle of all of this, it seems way too hard to fathom all the deaths. I think it's just helping me be more bitter and more angry and more jaded and more.........more cynical..the list goes on........
I digress, life isn't as miserable as i always seem to make it sound, there are some very wonderful aspects to my life. My kids..bratty as they may be, they do make me happy. My mom is a wonderful lady and i don't know why she puts up w/ me but i'm thankful that she does. Actually, after having kids i do understand why...just wish somehow i could make things easier for her, i just don't know how to go about it...perhaps one day i'll figure that one out.
As for my honey, i still miss him all the time. I know in my heart he misses me too, but i'm so damn lonely and i really want to be with him as often as possible. I guess i really am too clingy...ahh....what can you do tho? I guess i have to keep holding on cus i can't let him go, i don't think i even want to try. He really is a great guy. So i guess it's more loneliness for me til the situation changes..
Anyway, very tired. So time for sleep. Have a good day whoever you are that reads my blog.
Candy
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