My life...

Well i decided to post a blog here instead of myspace so i don't have to worry about ppl at work etc seeing what i have to say. I blog for several reasons, but mostly i do it to vent or express my feelings in whatever way i can. It helps keep me sane, i suppose. But the drama that my blogs sometimes cause annoy the crap out of me.

I have been watching a lot of CSI and House episodes...i think it's making me think about how quickly life stops or changes on a dime. For a split moment everything can change, it's kinda scary. I've sorta always been one of those people who always tries to live one day at a time and make sure people realize what they mean to me. But lately...i'm too self-involved, too concerned w/ being miserable, too concerned with being alone, too concerned with all the stupid lil things that are eating at me in general.

I've met someone recently, and he seems to be such a great guy, but at the same time i'm scared to death of another relationship failing. I'm jaded enough, one more would be really traumatic for me, i believe. He seems to say all the things i want to hear, and show that he does care about me and isn't afraid of talking about his feelings. But sometimes, i leave him emails and he doesn't respond...and that bugs me. I shouldn't let it bother me, i know..he's a busy man, very busy. I can't stop seeming to wonder tho if he really has time for a relationship right now.

I really hope he does tho, he seems to be everything i have been looking for..i just am afraid all the time, scared i'm going to push him away from being scared as well..fuck i really hate the emotional turmoil i go through with just the smallest lil things. I need to stop freaking out, i think once i get to meet him and be able to look into his eyes it will make me feel so much more confident.

I'm so lonely lately, been crying a lot..i hate crying so i make myself stop. I need to be held, need to be touched, i need to have sex, and fulfill so many other wants and needs and desires. I suppose it will pass eventually.